Prayer needed

I fucking hate Memorial Day.

And…

I'm gonna come home and cry tonight.

Gosh, sometimes life really sucks.

I'll explain more when I'm not getting ready for work.

Mucho news-o

Oh gosh, too much news for one brain this tired. I'll try to list it all, but I'll probably forget a bit, and never remember to post it again. Ever.

So, I finally have a car. About a week ago I got a call from Brandon saying that Glynn had possibly hooked me up with a car. Well, a week or so later, I now have a car. It's a '93 Lumina, with 92,000 miles on it, new wheels and brakes, and in pretty good condition for its age. I spent fifteen hundred on it already, but it's gonna be a bit more before I'm done, since I have to give to Caesar what is Caesar's. But, still, a very good price.

So the car was fifteen hundred was the price, but I only had five out of the fifteen. So I thought that I was just gonna pay the owner the other thousand later, when my CD (of a thousand) matures on June fifth. But, instead, Glynn has paid the extra thousand, and I will be paying him back when the CD matures. I know that doing it this way isn't really that different from paying the owner later, but it still feels so wrong. My entire life with Ida, we have lived on borrowed money, and I hate it. I never want to be like that. So, I make it a point to never borrow money. And now this happens, and I didn't even realize it until it was already in the works. I almost would have preferred waiting the extra ten or so days, just so I could pay up-front. Every time I think of money, I think of Ida, and what the Lord has to say about it. "Neither a borrower nor a lender be." And just thinking of that makes me feel queasy any time borrowing money comes up. Giving money is one thing, and we are commanded to assist each other in times of need, but borrowing is completely different. Anyways, this has just been weighing on me, and I will be so happy to have the whole thing behind me when I pay him back.

So, since I have a new car, two things have to happen. One, it has to get a name. I've done that, and her name is Jasmine. Number two, is that I have to have photos taken. But, I am missing a critical part, in order to take photos. I need a girl that will pose on the car while I take photos. So, when I went in to Arlington today, we went by Sarah (B)'s workplace, to see if we could coerce her into doing it. She said that she would (I think), but we need to catch her when she's not at work, so she can do it in her bathing suit. So, next time I go to Arlington, I may have her pose for my photos, if I don't already have the photos done. I think I may ask the other Sarah if she would be up for it, since those are the only two girls that I think would even slightly consider it.

So, ya know how I have been saying how much I need to talk to Thomas about Christ? Well, last night I had the perfect chance. He spent the night here, and we stayed up late, hanging. But, I forgot. Gosh, I feel so bad that I would forget about it. I really need to talk to him. It's almost like the devil was whispering in my ear to forget it, that it didn't need to be done. But, next time I will do it. Gosh, I need prayer on this one, that I can finally talk to Thomas about our Lord.

In completely unrelated news, my sister is getting married! (Note: The explanation point is not an explanation point of joy.) Shar has known this guy, John, for about five months, and when he proposed to her two nights ago, she said yes. I see no up-side to this. He's already gotten in trouble for drinking and driving (and again on the night he proposed!), he's jealus of me and Thomas (the brothers for crying out loud!), he is boring, and they have only just met! Most importantly, he's boring! But, the wedding isn't for at least a year, so I hope that in that time either they will realize the mistake, or things can get better. But, it's not gonna work out the way it is. (Sis is so crazy…)

I've had a late night at work, and an early morning with Thomas, so I am gonna go to sleep. G'night.

Cast

• Me: The fun and energetic male lead
  
• Brandon: The wise and resourceful contact in the Church
  
• Glynn: Another wise and resourceful contact in the Church
  
• Caesar: The representation of the "Man," or government
  
• Ida: The mother who even now lives below poverty, depending on others
  
• Lord: The great Father in heaven, creator of us all
  
• Jasmine: The brand new car (to the male lead at least)
  
• Sarah (B): Possible car model number one
  
• Sarah (S): Possible car model number two
  
• Thomas: The non-believing friend, in need of light in his darkness
  
• Shar: The silly and impulsive sister, in need of direction
  
• John: The woo-er of said sister
  

Working post

So, I'm back from work. And almost everything in the upcoming post has to do with work. Except for the very next part. Which doesn't have to do with work.

I was looking around earlier today, and talking with Sarah again, when I found a link back to my old blog. Gosh, reading it again, I am very embarrassed. I was a heathen, and an evil little child. But, I'm kind of glad it is there, all the same. I just looked over a few of the posts, and I realized why I like to blog so much. I've done it every time it comes to mind, since I first found out about blogs. Sometimes months inbetween, but normally pretty regularly. It's because that is how I remember things. I can't actually remember them myself, so I create a blog and record them for me. Just the few posts that I looked over told me so much about myself that I didn't know. Just little stories and anecdotes that are very interesting to remember. But, where-as most people can just remember them, I need them recorded in order to remember them. That's why I like photos. And momentos. And blogging. They are my link to the past.

So, today at work was pretty good all in all. I was only really on the floor for about four hours, but during those four hours I made fourty to fifty dollars. The rest of the night was me on drive through, at my minimum wage rate. In addition to the decent money, I even had really good customers. No one really seemed to come in angry today, and that makes me very happy. There was one table that came in angry, because of bad service they had last time, but I cheered them up, and they really seemed to like me by the time they left. So, all in all, a very good work day.

At work, there is a mexican lady in the back, very dear to me. She is so great. It really is a treat to work with her. But today, she was supposed to get off at ten, and was still at the store when I left at three. Her boyfriend (By the way, her name is Gabina and she is probably fourty something) was supposed to pick her up, but he didn't come, he wouldn't answer the phone at home, and so Gabina thinks that he was out dancing. I offered her a ride home when I got off, but one of the ladies had already offered, so I wasn't needed. It really makes me sad to see such a great lady treated baddly by a man like that. I dunno, that's pretty much what I wanted to say on that subject.

Oh gosh, and now I am going to sleep. I have church tomorrow, after all.

Cast

• Me: Tired, hardworking, dreamer
• Gabina: Sweet old mexican woman at Steak 'n Shake
  

Thoughts

So, Sarah and I went out for coffee last night, and I told her my two rules of dating. And then she pointed out a third rule that I should have: Don't date my boss. She is gonna be a trainer, and I'm not. So, last night, she said that was a pretty good reason that we shouldn't date; and in my current state of non-sleep, I agreed. But, now that I'm awake, and can think again, I remember something else. I had talked to the managers (well, one of them at least) at SnS a while ago, and he'd said that dating between employees was fine, as long as one wasn't over the other. Such as, if a person was just hired, they couldn't be trained by the person they are dating. But once the training was over, it was fine if one was a trainer and one wasn't. Now, I may have this wrong, but this is how I remember Mo explaining it to me. So, I'll tell this to Sarah then, and see what she thinks of it.

In other news, nothing else.

Cast

• Me: Well rested boy, for now
• Sarah: Friend and girl of special attention
  

In opposition

So, today, as opposed to yesterday, was not completely worthless. I went and saw the people in charge of my scholarship, and found out that I have one more semester of probation. Oh, I am gonna do the best that I can, so that I can come back. Gosh, I have been so numb recently, unable to think about it. But, when I went out with Glynn today for lunch, he talked to me, and convinced me to go in. I'm happy that I have lunch with him, I think he helps make me better.

But, other than that, it was pretty worthless. I finished Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, and rented the sequal. No opinion on it yet though, but the first one was definately good.

Yup.

Cast

• Me: Hopeful soul, looking for a purpose
• Glynn: Helpful mentor
  

Uselessness

So, today was the most unproductive day I've had since… Well, in a long time. It was very unproductive though. I got a library card, and that's about it. Nothing more. Other then that I just did the basic eat, watch Gilmore Girls, and play Gamecube. No being with people, nothing productive at all. The only people I saw, I was only with for about half an hour. Maybe.

I blame it on the fact that I'm living alone right now. And I haven't lived alone since I was thirteen or fourteen, so I'm not used to it. My roommates are gone, and only one is coming back, and he won't be back until Saturday. I mean, I lived alone years ago. But I was also in school, and being a part of a gang, so I was never home. (I call it living alone, even though Ida was theoretically there. But she was always either asleep, at work, or at a friend's house.) Since then, I've lived with other people. Even when I lived with Ida again, I still wasn't alone. Sarah was over almost everyday, and the days that she wasn't, I was staying at Thomas's. So that was good.

I guess, I'm just not used to it. I want both quiet time, and people time. If I'm around people all the time, I get drained and tired of being with them. If I'm by myself, then I get bored after a few hours, no matter what I do. I need a hobby.

I know. I think I'll try to get DragonRealms to work… That will eat up my time.

Cast

• Me: College student bored out of his mind for summer
• Ida: The never at home mother
• Thomas: The close friend, closer then a brother

Plans

So, I've completed some plans, started others, and am still needing to start others.

I finished cleaning my room. I'm done. Forever (I wish). But, at least I'm done for now. I have a floor, my laundry is done, and my desk is not absolutely covered in dust.

As for plans started, I've approached Sarah about dating her. She and I talked last night, and I expect to talk to her again about it. But, it's started in some direction.

In addition, I have some church plans for the summer. I've been baptized now, and need to show my zeal for God. So, I am going to some bible study thing (I think) in June, and Alena asked me if I would like to do a weekly class over summer. Only problem is that I would need to request off the time for it on Tuesdays, and it costs thirty-five dollars. I mean, if I don't give offering for two weeks, I can pay, but I'm not sure where the money would be better spent. I'm gonna have to think about that one. But I need to decide soon.

As for plans not started, I really need to go to the financial aid office, and find out if I will still have my scholarship next semester. Because, if I don't, then I'm either gonna be very very broke, or have to change the name of my blog. But something will happen.

In addition, I need to talk to Thomas. People, please pray for him. I have been friends with him since forever, and never really talked to him about Christ. I feel God has been leading me towards talking to him though, and I've been telling God "No, not now." I don't think that's the best move on my part, so now I just need to stop making excuses and use the next oprotunity given.

Cast

• Me: Goal oriented teen
• Sarah (Stoehr): Silent and hard to understand girl
• Alena: Friend and link with the church
• Thomas: Heathen brother
• God: My goal in life, to praise and worship
  

Memories

I really like looking at the past. I don't remember it myself, it's through the stories of others, and items, that I remember what has happened. So, last night when I was looking through my old pictures and showing them to Keshia, it brought back a lot. Gosh, things were so different back then. I'm a very different person now, I think. I hope. I hope that I've improved myself over the past year. I'm not perfect, and never will be, but I'll still strive for it.

And now I'm cleaning my room, which hasn't been done in forever. And finding so many Sarah objects. She was so cute with what she did, leaving notes where I would find them later. Even now, they make me smile. I found a shoebox in which she said she still loved me, and a few other mushy notes here and there, such as on the front cover of my cal notes. Heh, gives me ideas that I should do when I get a girlfriend. After all, you girls like finding notes, right?

In addition to what she left, I found some stuff I did myself. I didn't actually do cal last semester. I doodled or slept instead. I was looking through my old notes and found a section in which I was just daydreaming about Sarah, and the future, and just page after page of her and me, getting married, what the ring would look like, everything. It makes me kind of sad to throw it away now, but I think that I should, since it now doesn't really have much meaning at all for me.

Anyways, this was just a post to tell people to clean their room more often, otherwise you might find old stuff you might wish had just been thrown away.

Cast

• Me: Reminiscent about the past and old times
• Keshia: Eric's lover lady, talkative with me online
• Sarah (Barker): Old memories, with new emotions nothing like the old
  

Habit

It seems like this is becoming a habit. Staying at work until three in the morning, that is. Friday night, I was scheduled to get off at one, but I had to stay till three because they were expecting a party of twenty-five at two. They came, I helped, then left. Last night, I was scheduled till three, and so from one till three, I got to take the few cars that went through drive through, and fold silverware, while the person doing the rest of the night shift slept in one of the booths. (Note: I'm not bitter about her sleeping there, in fact I told her to. She had worked during the day, and was gonna work overnight into the morning, and keep working through lunch shift. If she didn't sleep when I was there, then she would have crashed at some other, less oprotune time.) And today, I stayed till three because we are having some quartly inspection, and my manager wanted me to stay for a bit while the restraunt was empty, to help clean. So I stayed for another two hours after I was supposed to get off, mopping floors. Hard work, I must say. Especially since we had to hard scrub, which is tiring to do over the entire restraunt.

In other news, I went out with people today. Missed church, but got to spend Mother's Day with my two mothers. We went out to eat at some place called Love and War in Texas, then went out to SnS for some milk shakes. People thought that I was wierd for coming when I'm off, but I like the shakes, so I came.

Heh, it seems like my life revolves around SnS now, doesn't it… Especially cause this part isn't even news about me. It's news that we have new shakes at SnS now, and they are pretty good. I just wanted to mention that.

And on one last note, we have a hat rack in the (clean) front room now!

Cast:

• Me: Wow, I was the only one mentioned by name in today's post… Heh, hope you guys like pronouns.
  

Interruption

So, sorry about the down time everyone. There were a few days there in which I couldn't post, talk to people online, or even let my site been seen. But, that's over. It's because one of my housemates (who has the modem in his room) was gone, and had his door locked, and so I couldn't fix the internet. But, it's better now.

I've been working late recently. Till three, for the past two nights. I don't mind it though, I actually kinda like it. Although, if they would give me more morning shifts, I would prefer that so much more. But, I think I get paid more, and better tips at night. In fact, tonight, I had one man tell me about how much he liked me as a server, and that I should come to work for his restraunt. I told him no, but still. That was kinda cool.

So I asked Sarah out. But, she told me she would have to think about it. I kinda feel foolish, because I did it over the phone, but we weren't gonna see each other in person for a while, so I thought that would be good. And so I asked her, waited ten seconds, and had to make sure that I hadn't lost the call. I hadn't, but I think I caught her off guard. She said she would think about it though. I'll take whatever answer she gives me.

Today is Mother's day, and I have to wake up at noon so I can be ready when Ida comes. I'm gonna go out to lunch with her, and possible Thomas and Linda. And so, I'm going to go to sleep now. (after a shower of course though)

Cast

• Me: Hardworking employee, and loving son
• Sarah: The focus of his *arrow pointing up* fancy
• Ida: The beloved mother
• Thomas: Friend, brother, and fellow loving son
• Linda: The other beloved mother (Yup, I have two)
  

Advice

So, I really like Sarah. She is a lot of fun to hang around with. We even go out for coffee most nights, and then just sit and talk for an hour or two. I like talking with her, I like doing things with her, we enjoy some of the same things, and she's not hard to look at either. She may say otherwise, but she is in fact very pretty. Now, I've not wanted to ask her out before for numerous reasons, but I don't care anymore. So, Eric, I'm not gonna take your advice. I'm gonna take Barker's advice instead. Tomorrow, at some point, I will ask her out on some sort of date or other. Or at least, right now I think I will. And by posting this, that means I have to. So, there we go. If we don't date well, then oh well. I am pretty sure that I am stable enough to still be friends with her afterwords. And she is stable too. So, off I go into the wild blue yonder.

But for now, sleep.

Cast

• Me: A hopeful and youthful student, nervous about himself
• Sarah (Stoehr): The beautiful young girl his mind points towards
• Eric: The counter-advising friend
• (Sarah) Barker: The influential ex
  

The story, in full

Okay, so here's the full deal.

I've been kinda down recently. I had nice plans. I was gonna do good this semester (didn't happen), I had plans for the summer, such as camping (not happening, or at least not with me), a trip to New England (also not happening), and a trip to Corpus (which is kind of doubtful). So, I did something stupid, and wanted to go where I thought home was. I had to do something. So, after work Friday night, when I got off at two, I headed toward Arlington in Eric's car. I got there, and hung out with Thomas at his Shell station (where he works now) till he got off. Then I went and saw Shar and her family, wished her sister a happy birthday, and then I was gonna go back. Eric had even called me and let me know that he needed the car, and I had told him that I was on the way back. But, I didn't feel like I had finished my trip to Arlington yet, and so I called someone.

Mrs. Barker answered the phone, and said she wasn't awake, but she had picked up the phone also, and at the sound of her voice, Mrs. Barker hung up. And, so I invited Sarah to go out to breakfast with me. We had a good time. I told her what's going on, and she did the same. She doesn't have too many new stories, but it was still a good time. Sarah is still Sarah, and hasn't really changed at all. I gave her the address of my blog, took her home, and headed back.

All in all, I regret my trip to Arlington. For three reasons:

1. I had promised myself that I wouldn't go back, and that it was just not worth it.
2. I stole Eric's car. I feel so bad about that, like I stole candy from a kid. Then beat the crap out of him. And then tortured his parents. And then just left him to die somewhere. Eric says it's no problem, and that he wishes that he had the… Whatever it is that I have that allowed me to just go to Arlington on a whim. But, I still feel really bad.
3. It cost a lot of money. I mean, gosh.

But, it wasn't all bad. I got to see Thomas, Shar, and wish Jazzie a happy b-day. And I resolved myself with Sarah. I mean, for the past few months, I've been mentally hounded with "should I call her?" and "should I even look at her blog?" But, now I don't have to worry about that anymore. I don't have to think if I should contact her, if I want to talk to her, I just will. And I don't think about dating her anymore. I don't think I could anyways. She made a post in her blog on how she was afraid that I was gonna date her again, but I don't think that will ever happen. I just don't see her as the perfect goddess now that I used to. And that's good.

But, the trip made me really tired. And other stuff has happened. But that's for a different post.

Bad Paul…

I had a few hours of weakness today. But, I haven't slept in twenty-eight hours, so I'm gonna catch some z's. Pester me to fully explain it later.

But, here's a clue. We have a new member reading this, her first name is Sarah, and her last name isn't Stoehr.

Cast

• Me: Oh gosh, I am so tired. *falls asleep*
  

The day is come!

No pants day is here! *celebrates* Everyone should participate! So far, Matt, Thomas, Darryl and I are, but more people should.

In other news, I may be baptized today. I hope. But, one of the things that Brandon said I should do before I get baptized, was to write out what it means to me. But, if I write it on paper or anything, then I will just lose it. So, I decided to write it here.

What baptism means to me:
It's a promise. The holy spirit comes and makes me born again, and in that act, a promise is made from God to help me through any problems. It's also a promise from God that I will have a hard time, and that problems will come to me, but no matter what, I can persevere. From me, it's a promise to devote my life to God and Jesus, and make Jesus the master of my life.

I think that's the idea. Anyways, I really hope to be baptized today.

And now, off I go, to get people to participate in No Pants Day, and go out to eat with me.

Cast

• Me: Hopeful, energetic christian, soon to become a baptized diciple of Jesus
  
• Darryl: Friend and fellow participant in No Pants Day (in Arlington though)
  
• Thomas: Friend and fellow participant in No Pants Day (in Arlington though)
• Matt: Friend and fellow participant in No Pants Day (who will come to eat with me though)
  
• Brandon: My fearless church leader, who will hopefully baptize me
  
• God: The one, the only, the Alpha and Omega
  
• Jesus: My one true savior
  

The Signing of the Lease

The title will only get a brief mention today, but it was important enough that it deserved a title. I signed my lease with Waterview Park Apartments today. Which is a sign that I have trust in the fact that I will come to UTD again next semester. Because, if I don't, then I have to pay four hundred dollars to break the lease. But, that's not gonna happen, and I am gonna keep my scholarship, and all is gonna be good. That's just the way it's gonna be, damnit.

In other news, work is going well. And stuff is happening. But I'm distracted right now, and can't think of anything.

Cast

• Me: Returning UTD student!